The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize