This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
