My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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