The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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