WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
