I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize