I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
