His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
