The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
