Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
