After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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