i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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