seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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