I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
