I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
