I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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