everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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