we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
