Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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