Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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