Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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