took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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