Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
