Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
