wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
