STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I looked at my own cervix.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
