The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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