are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
