The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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