What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
