somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
