what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
