I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize