I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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