I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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