This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
