If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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