I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
