I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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