Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
