I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Come on in and take your pants off
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