he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
