I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
