literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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