You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The adults are the big ones right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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