i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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