from now on my penis is your penis
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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