I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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