Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
