my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
