There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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