i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
