just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
