I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
