Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
