I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
