I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
