for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
