Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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