we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
