Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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