So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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